Marriage
A CATHEDRAL WEDDING
This article outlines everything you need to know about getting married in Belfast Cathedral.
It explains the Church's understanding of Christian marriage, the legal requirements for marriage in Northern Ireland and has a lot of other useful, practical, information which will be helpful for couples arranging their wedding in the Cathedral.
What is Christian Marriage?
A wedding ceremony, wherever it takes place, marks the start of a marriage. Two people come together to publicly declare their love for each other before their guests, but more importantly before God. The bride and groom make a covenant with each other and with God, in other words, they make a solemn promise to love and honour the other person, forsaking all others. This is a lifelong commitment, in sickness and in health, in poverty and plenty. This promise is made with every fibre of their heart, mind and spirit and involves God as witness and partner to the promise. This covenant between two people joined in Holy Matrimony reflects the relationship between God and the world.
In Christian marriage the couple acknowledge that God is their witness and the understanding is that this couple will commit themselves to a Christian lifestyle, which involves being active members of the Church community. It is also understood that any children they have will be brought up within that community of faith.
Marriage is not easy in this world of convenience, as high divorce rates show. Christian people are not immune from such breakdown, however it is the Church's belief that marriage between two people with God as witness, and where God is acknowledged in their life and partnership, stand the best chance of survival in today's society.
A step by step guide to marriage in Belfast Cathedral
• The first thing to do after you have decided you would like to be married in Belfast Cathedral is to fill in the appropriate request form and return it to the Cathedral office. There are two different forms, one for marriage where one or both partners are parishioners, the other for use if neither partner is a parishioner. Due to the position and profile of the Cathedral it is not always possible to accommodate all requests for weddings, however every effort will be made to facilitate couples wishing to marry here. If either partner has been divorced the Bishop's permission is necessary before the marriage can take place in the Church of Ireland. In these cases the couple will meet with the clergy and a report will be prepared for submission to the Bishop. Once permission has been granted by the Bishop the couple are free to continue planning their wedding in the Cathedral.
• The Cathedral is open from 10.00 am to 4.00 pm Monday to Saturday. Marriages can take place from 10.30 am to 11.45 am and 2.15 pm to 3.30 pm.
• Once confirmation has been received you also need to meet with the minister who will be conducting the marriage ceremony. At this meeting the minister will go through the service with you, explaining each aspect of the ceremony. This meeting will help you to understand the ceremony and enable you to participate to the full. The minister is also a good person to advise you on a suitable reading from Scripture for the ceremony. (If you would like any other reading to be included in the service the permission of the Dean should be sought at this stage). It also provides a chance for you to ask any questions and fine tune the arrangements, and provides time to have any anxieties addressed.
• Our Organist Mr Ian Barber will be pleased to advise you on your choice of music. The following is a list of suitable hymns:
All things bright and beautiful
At the name of Jesus
Amazing grace
Be thou my vision
Because he lives
Bind us together
Give me oil in my lamp
Great is thy faithfulness
Guide me, O thou great Jehovah
He's got the whole world in his hands
How great thou art
Lead us, Heavenly Father, lead us
Lord of all hopefulness, Lord of all joy
Love divine, all loves excelling
Make me a channel of your peace
Morning has broken
O Jesus, I have promised
O perfect love
One more step along the world I go
Praise my soul, the King of heaven
The King of love my shepherd is
What a friend we have in Jesus
Will your anchor hold in the storms of life?
• Everyone wants their order of service to be beautiful, and below is an outline of what should be included. Before having the orders of service printed it is a good idea to show the draft to the minister who is conducting the ceremony.
1. Organ Voluntary
2. Hymn
3. Marriage Ceremony .
4. The Acclamations (print this in full in your Order of Service and note the answer lines in bold) Minister: Blessed are you, Heavenly Father:
Answer: You give joy to the bridegroom and bride.
Minister: Blessed are you, Lord Jesus Christ:
Answer You have brought new life to all your people.
Minister: Blessed are you, Holy Spirit of God:
Answer: You bring us together in love. Minister:
Blessed be the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit:
Answer: One God, to be praised for ever. Amen.
5. The Lord's Prayer (print this in full in your order of service
6. Hymn
7. Items sung or played during the signing of the Registers S. Organ Voluntary
• In the week leading up to the wedding a rehearsal with the wedding party will be arranged with the minister who will be conducting your wedding. The Bride, Groom, Bride's father or person escorting the Bride, Matron of Honour, Bridesmaids, Bestman and Groomsmen should be present. The mother of the Bride and Groom's parents may also attend, as may any flower girls or page boys. It is preferable that an usher be present, but not necessary. As the Cathedral is a difficult place in which to read if a friend will be involved in the reading from Scripture it is advisable that they attend the rehearsal also, as this provides a good opportunity to practice. The rehearsal involves going through the 'moves' and will mean that on the day everyone will know where to stand, when to move and what to say, and ensures that, hopefully, everything will run smoothly.
• On the day ushers should be at the Cathedral 30 to 45 minutes before the wedding commences. The Bridegroom, Best man and any Groom's men should arrive at least 15 minutes before the wedding commences. We ask that the Bride and her party arrive at least 5 minutes before the ceremony is due to start, depending on how many photographs are to be taken outside. Please be punctual so that the ceremony can start on time. The clergy and organist do have other duties to perform, and if the choristers are singing, there is a limit to how long they can be kept sitting waiting.
• Please advise the Cathedral office 2 weeks in advance about arrangements regarding the flowers, their installation and removal. If your wedding is taking place on a Friday or Saturday flowers cannot be collected until the following Monday.
• Please inform the clergy of arrangements for photographs or videos. The photographer / camera operator should meet with the clergy 30 minutes before the ceremony or by appointment prior to the wedding day (the wedding rehearsal is perhaps a good time for this).
Marriage and the Law
• The marriage regulations in Northern Ireland changed on 1st January 2004. Under the new regulations the old system where Banns of Marriage were read, or the couple applied for a Licence have been replaced by the Marriage Schedule.
• A marriage taking place in the Cathedral must be conducted by a state-authorised officiant, i.e. by a minister whose name is on the Church of Ireland list of approved officiants.
• To be legally married in Northern Ireland you must now do the following:
1. Obtain Notice of Marriage forms, one for the Bride and one for the Groom from the local District Registrar, in Belfast the registrar is located in Belfast City Hall, as soon as possible.
2. Take these forms to the minister who will perform the wedding ceremony. He or she must sign one of the forms indicating they are willing to perform the ceremony at an agreed place and time.
3. Take the completed Notice of Marriage forms back to the Registrar along with any other necessary documents, e.g. birth certificate, passport. It's recommended that you do this at least 6 weeks before the wedding. The Notice of Marriage fee is payable to the Registrar.
4. The Registrar should have the Marriage Schedule ready for collection 14 days before the wedding date. You should bring this to the Officiant as soon as possible, it is this document which is signed and witnessed and which makes your marriage legal. NB. If no Marriage Schedule is presented to the Officiant on the day of the wedding, no marriage can take place.
5. After the wedding, the completed Marriage Schedule should be returned to the Registrar within 3 days, if not the marriage is not legal. This may be done by some other trustworthy person if you are going on your honeymoon straight after the wedding.
6. On receipt of the completed Marriage Schedule the Registrar will register the marriage. If a certified copy is requested at the time of registration, a Marriage Certificate will be produced for a fee.
WEDDING PLANNER
Many people find organising a wedding a stressful time. Others find it exciting and enjoyable. Below is a (not definitive!) planner which might help the period leading up to your wedding be a little less stressful and a little more exciting.
• 12-6 months to go...
1. Announce your forthcoming marriage to family and friends, consider a newspaper announcement.
2. Select an engagement ring.
3. Write letters of thanks to those who gave engagement presents.
4. Decide on the date and time for the wedding. Remember that the Cathedral is a busy place and if you are granted permission to marry here you many not be able to have your first choice of date and time, so please try and be a little flexible.
5. If appropriate, arrange to meet both sets of parents to decide on financial responsibility for the different aspects of the wedding. To help with this it might be a good idea to get some estimates of costs for flowers, cars, clothes, reception, etc.
6. Decide on who will be the Bestman, Groomsmen, if applicable, Matron of Honour, Bridesmaids, flower girls or page boys, if applicable, and ushers. Ask them if they are willing to perform these tasks. Decide if you would like others to take part in the service, e.g. by doing a reading or playing a piece of music.
7. Decide on the number of guests to be invited, if appropriate consult both sets of parents about this.
8. Book a venue for the reception and decide what sort of food you would like, e.g. buffet or sit-down meal.
9. Start to make a wedding present list.
10. Book time off work for your honeymoon.
• 6 months to go...
1. Book the cars which will be used to transport the Bride and Bridesmaids to the church and the couple from the church.
2. Book any music that will be played at the reception, e.g. band or disco.
3. Book a photographer and a video firm if you wish.
4. Book a hotel for the wedding night.
5. Buy, have made, or make arrangements to hire dresses for the Bride and Bridesmaids.
• 4 months to go...
1. Meet with the minister who will be conducting the ceremony in order to go through the service and have any questions answered. This is a good time to discuss the order of service and choose a reading from Scripture, with advice from the minister. A wedding rehearsal date can also be arranged now.
2. Meet with the Director of Music to discuss hymns and other music for the service.
3. Visit the florist to discuss colours and types of flowers. This may include flowers for the Bride, Matron of honour, Bridesmaids and flower girls and buttonholes for the Groom, Bestman, Groomsmen, ushers and parents of the Bride and Groom as well as flowers for the Cathedral and reception.
4. Send out wedding invitations, together with a finalised wedding list.
• 3 months to go...
1. Book the honeymoon, if you haven't already done so. Ensure that your passports will be valid at the time of the honeymoon and arrange to make any changes to the names if this is applicable. Remember that the airline tickets must be booked in the names that will be on your passport when you leave for the honeymoon after the wedding.
2. Have a draft of the order of service printed and take it to the minister for checking before having the rest printed.
3. Arrange the hiring of suits for the Groom, Bestman and Groomsmen, ushers and fathers of the Bride and Groom.
4. Shop for your going away outfits.
5. Start to make a wedding cake, or order one.
6. Take Notice of Marriage forms to the Registrar.
• 1 month to go...
1. Buy the wedding rings
2. Check arrangements with the florist and car hire firm. Check catering arrangements for the reception and finalise the number attending.
3. Meet with the photographer to discuss the types of photos to be taken.
4. Visit the doctor and arrange any vaccinations that may be needed, depending on the honeymoon destination.
5. Obtain any foreign currency needed for the honeymoon.
6. Buy any new clothes you might need for the honeymoon.
7. Buy presents to be given on the day to the Bestman, Groomsmen, if applicable, Matron of Honour, Bridesmaids, flower girls or page boys, if applicable, ushers and anyone else taking part in the service. If flowers are to be given to the mothers of the Bride and Groom at the reception, order these now.
8. Book hair appointments.
• 2 weeks to go...
1. Ensure that you have collected the Marriage Schedule from the Registrar, or ensure it has been sent to you and is in your possession.
• One week to go...
1. Ensure you have adequate amounts of cash to pay people who may require payment on the day, e.g. florist, photographer, car hire firm.
2. Attend wedding rehearsal.
3. Ensure you have the Marriage Schedule to bring with you on the day, and if someone else is taking it back to the District Registrar for you, ensure that person remembers they have agreed to do so.
• The Big Day...
Just enjoy!
